Beyond the Page Podcast ~ From Final Farewells to Life's Crossroads: The Funeral Director's Approach to Transformative Coaching

Have you ever considered how a funeral director might transform the art of life coaching? Join us as we sit down with the insightful Diane Bruno, whose experience with life's final farewells grants her a unique perspective on coaching through the toughest of conversations. Together, we unravel the tapestry of human emotion and the pivotal role of communication in times of distress. In a world where discussions about loss and transition are often shrouded in discomfort, Diane imparts her strategies for fostering an atmosphere of trust, where clients feel secure enough to lay bare their deepest struggles. Her approach delicately balances empathy with the empowering reminder that the answers often lie within the individuals seeking guidance.

In a profession where the weight of others' emotions can often be overwhelming, the value of a strong support network is immeasurable. This episode casts a light on the symbiotic relationship between coaches and therapists, the importance of group supervision, and the art of being self-aware. Drawing from personal experiences and a storied career that spans corporate communications and funeral direction, I share my own insights into managing emotional outbursts and tailoring coping mechanisms to each individual's needs. Particularly for women in transition, the podcast presents an exploration of the tools and inspirations that underpin a successful coaching journey, offering both solace and direction for those navigating life's many crossroads.

Watch the full interview by clicking here.

Find the full article here: https://bit.ly/DBrunoTricky

Learn more about Diane Bruno here.

Connect with Diane on Facebook and Instagram

If you’re looking for a dedicated life coach, devoted to supporting you on your journey, Diane is delighted to extend a special offer exclusively to the choice community. Until May 15, she will be offering a 15% discount on her Life Coaching services. Just enter the code CHOICE when purchasing a session or package to receive this exclusive discount/go to her website link: https://www.dianebrunolifecoach.com/contact

Grab your free issue of choice Magazine here - https://choice-online.com/

In this episode, I talk with Diane Bruno about her article published in our March 2024  issue

Transcript

Garry Schleifer: 0:07

Welcome to the choice Magazine podcast, Beyond the Page. choice, the magazine of professional coaching, is your go-to source for expert insights and in-depth features from the world of professional coaching. I'm your host, Garry Schleifer, and I'm thrilled to have you join us today. In each episode, we go, go figure, beyond the page of articles published in choice Magazine and dive deeper into some of the most recent and relevant topics impacting the world of professional coaching, exploring the content, interviewing the talented minds behind the articles and uncovering the stories that make an impact. choice is more than just a magazine where, for over 21 years, we've built a community of like-minded people who create, use and share tools, tips and techniques to add value to their businesses and, of course, to make a difference with their clients. That's what we all want to do as coaches.

Garry Schleifer: 0:59

In today's episode, I'm speaking with Certified Life Coach, Diane Bruno, who's the author of an article in our latest issue "Unspeakables Uncomfortable Topics we Avoid that Impact Coaching Outcomes. Her article is entitled Tricky Territory Navigating Uncomfortable Coaching Conversations. A bit about Diane she's an ever-evolving professional with a diverse background, barry, as you'll hear, along with her roles as a certified life coach, freelance digital content creator and blogger. She brings a wealth of experience as a former funeral director, with a profound perspective on the importance of living one's legacy every day and navigating life's transitions. As the owner of Diane Bruno Life Coach and Diane Bruno Fruit Freelance, she emerges her empathic nature with a deep understanding of the human experience. Diane, thank you so much for joining me today.

Diane Bruno: 1:56

Well, it's my pleasure, happy to be here.

Garry Schleifer: 1:57

Yeah, and no kidding, a diverse background.

Diane Bruno: 2:01

Yes, constantly reinventing myself which makes me the transition expert when I deal with clients and so forth, because I've had many transitions, so yeah, but life coaching is truly what I believe I was meant to do.

Garry Schleifer: 2:15

Yeah, me too. Welcome to the club. Great to have you in the club. Well, normally I'd ask why you would write this article, but when I read it and listened and was reading your bio, if I'm not mistaken, there's something to do with your life experience and your work experience that resonated for you. Am I on track?

Diane Bruno: 2:38

Yeah, sure. One of the reasons I gravitated toward funeral service was because I wanted to make a difference in people's lives when they need it most, and there's nothing more difficult, no more difficult time than when you lose somebody, and it's a very touchy subject, very touchy time and so forth. So you really have to navigate with grace and so forth as a funeral director, and as I was a funeral director for a while, I sustained a back injury. So I said what else can I do that will make a difference in people's lives? And I became a life coach and I love dealing in situations where people come to me with something that they're in transition with, that they're grappling with, that they're having a struggle with, and I love making them feel safe that they can talk about anything. So, but oftentimes that can lead us down paths that are uncomfortable for the client and also for the coach at times. It taps into our triggers and so forth. So, taking all that experience and so forth, I thought it was a good foundation for the article.

Garry Schleifer: 3:34

Yeah, very much so, and I love how you tackled it from all aspects, the client, the coach and the conversation.

Diane Bruno: 3:43

It's about us all, absolutely.

Garry Schleifer: 3:44

Yeah, so I'm just wondering how do you think coaches can effectively recognize signs of discomfort in their clients during coaching sessions?

Diane Bruno: 3:54

Well, I mean, I think it starts from the very first meeting that you have with a client. I mean, I do a pretty deep dive. First, we cover what their biggest issue is, what they would like to tackle, then some sub-issues that they would like to tackle, and I asked them some pointed questions personally about them, whatever they would like to share, and you can get a lot of information from people about their facial expressions. I do primarily remote work. Do you have brothers and sisters. And you can say, oh yeah, I have a brother and a sister. Oh yeah, I have a brother and a sister.

Garry Schleifer: 4:25

Oh, good one.

Diane Bruno: 4:27

So, yeah, you can pick up a lot from people's the way they, you know, speak with you and the way they look and so forth. So I kind of pretty much map out what I think would be their sensitive issues or topics for them, or triggers and so forth, and I keep that front of mind as I go through the process. First we talk about what they primarily want to focus on and so forth.

Diane Bruno: 4:50

But oftentimes as you go down the journey they become triggered and they become uncomfortable about a certain topic. But I think if you build a foundation of, this is a safe space. Nothing is off limits. I'm not here to judge, I'm here to help you. More times than not, you have the answers. I'm just helping you find those answers.

Diane Bruno: 5:10

So making them comfortable from the very onset is very important. And when we get to those uncomfortable situations, I usually just take a cue from them as I did with families when I was doing funeral service if they want to go down that road or if they'd like to put that off to the side for a bit, and we can revisit it a little bit later. So I mean, I always take my cues from them and more times than not, if they're uncomfortable with something at the beginning, they're less comfortable maybe a few days later, a few sessions later and so forth, and then we can tackle it. But it's a very it can be a slippery slope because you don't want to put them off where they don't want to continue the therapy with you and the coaching and so forth. But if you make them feel safe and realize that this is a no judgment zone, that really goes miles in helping them.

Garry Schleifer: 5:51

Yeah, yeah, I always remember my coach training, there was a kind of an analogy of we're the anchor for them so they can go down the rabbit hole or go fly or whatever, but we're the end of the rope, making sure that they're, not grounded per se but I know that's a different aspect, but just that they're held.

Garry Schleifer: 6:23

In your article you spoke really well about trust. I am a reading directly from it. Trust is fundamental in a coaching relationship. If broken or underdeveloped, clients may hesitate to share deep personal issues which can impact the process and lead to discomfort. So yeah, and of course, that's a core major core competency with the International Coaching Federation.

Diane Bruno: 6:43

Absolutely, trust is key in all relationships, especially when you're putting yourself out there with someone who's coaching you or you have a therapist. You're more vulnerable, so you know trust is definitely very important.

Garry Schleifer: 6:56

I get the absolute pleasure of going through every article after reading the first draft, to then proofreading the issue and then reading it to get ready for these calls, and I just love all the things that get grounded for me, like along with trust, the word that came along was confidentiality. I put a good deal of effort into the confidentiality conversation, like right from the beginning and the get-go, and then intermittent reminders, and that's, I feel, my way to help further develop the trust in the relationship.

Diane Bruno: 7:36

Absolutely. When they're that vulnerable, there's always that red flag that this is going to be confidential, is trust going to be broken here? So I always try to reiterate that what have you told me isn't strict confidence. This is a safe zone, nonjudgmental. I think nonjudgmental is always something that helps them feel a little bit more calm and so forth, because we're all you know, especially in this day and age, we're being judged left and right through social media, you name it just everyday life. So you need to feel that you're in a safe, nonjudgmental zone.

Garry Schleifer: 8:02

Yeah, well, on that topic, what ways can coaches create that safe and nonjudgmental environment?

Diane Bruno: 8:09

I think for me personally, I'm an empath by nature, so I always pick up on what the other person's feeling, whether it's somebody that I'm personally meeting with or somebody remotely and I just think that always validating what they say and letting them know that you've gone through it, it's not unusual, it's something that we all you know. Whether it be somebody going through a divorce or a career change or something like that, your instance is personal and so forth. What you're going through is personal and that's all about you know, that's all about you. There's no cookie cutter there. But what you're going through is something so many other people have gone through and they've gotten through it and they've grown and they've become better and so forth, and they've thrived.

Diane Bruno: 8:57

And I think that all of that and reiterating that almost in every session that you have with your client, keeps building that comfort zone and so forth. And some people you just, as I'm sure you know, you just hit it off with them. It's like talking with a friend, and some people it's a little bit more difficult. Some people are more guarded. It's a big step for them to take to go to a coach or go to a therapist. I know many people who are afraid that if they do that, they're going to unlock something deep and dark and so forth. And more so than not, that's not the case. You know, we're all living our lives trying to do the best that we can and we have obstacles that come our way and life challenges that come our way. But you know, learning about yourself is so liberating, learning about your triggers, learning about what's important to you and so forth. So I always tell them you have the answers. You know the answers. They're inside of you. I'm just going to help you find those answers together.

Garry Schleifer: 9:49

Oh that's great. Yeah, definitely, and your article brilliantly lays that out for us coaches on creating that environment, different ways to do it, and I won't get into all of them, but definitely thank you. And so back to what I said earlier about you quite wonderfully navigated between the coach, the client and the conversation. Let's address the coach, so people are just going to have discomfort and things that they don't want to address when they hear it, that sort of thing. What strategies can coaches employ?

Diane Bruno: 10:26

I think well, for me personally and I think for a lot of coaches probably have been in therapy before or have used coaches and so forth because we have that mindfulness, we want to know about ourselves so we can help other people. I think, knowing your triggers, knowing what makes you uncomfortable as well, whatever the topic may be, and realizing that when that comes to the surface, it's not about the client necessarily, it's about you and how you're going to react to that and keeping a distance, always being engaged, of course, but keeping a distance. This is about them, it's not about me. And when you feel uncomfortable, they can definitely pick up on that. I mean, there's just no way around that. They can see that, especially if you've established a relationship.

Diane Bruno: 11:08

I personally, and I think many, many coaches, have dealt with so many difficult topics and so forth and wouldn't be coaches if they weren't comfortable dealing with difficult topics. I think it's it's recognizing your triggers. If something is truly making you uncomfortable, taking a deep dive into yourself why it's making you uncomfortable. I think if there is also something that's uncomfortable and outside of your wheelhouse, referring that person to a therapist, because there could be some deep-seated issues that we, as coaches, are not able to deal with, and taking time for yourself, looking back on the session, seeing what happened. What was the triggers for you, what was the triggers for the client. I think always protecting yourself and doing self-care whether it's meditation, reading over your notes, seeing what you could have done differently, and so forth but I think taking the best care of yourself, both mentally and physically, and bringing your best self to your clients. Those are also ways, I think, to protect yourself when you're in an uncomfortable situation.

Garry Schleifer: 12:04

Yeah well, you've spoken about some and highlighted in the article self-reflection, managing triggers and seeking supervision, practicing self-care and I think that a lot of those are reflected also in the core competencies about taking care of yourself.

Garry Schleifer: 12:21

Absolutely, absolutely, more so today than ever in this crazy world that we're living in. And, you know, it's not easy because we work in isolation, most of us, and you know sometimes you might need an immediate fix with somebody. So who do you call if you if you've had something that really triggered you or you really affected you once you left the conversation.

Diane Bruno: 12:47

I think for coaches having that support system themselves in their own lives, whether it be a therapist or a trusted friend, spouse, whatever that you can go to and you can talk to about what's going on with you, always confidentially, but what happened between this client that you felt a little triggered, and so forth. You need to have those good sounding boards

Diane Bruno: 13:07

I have wonderful friends. I have a therapist that I work with who sometimes refers clients to me when she feels like they would need more of a coach than they would need a therapist, and I do the same. She's my go-to therapist when I feel there's something that needs a little bit more attention than I can offer as a coach. But I think having a support system is always so important.

Garry Schleifer: 13:25

Yeah, very much. So I know I have similar things for myself. I'm currently in a group supervision, so I bring things to that as well, and I think that's a very useful tool because it doesn't have to be specific about a client. It can be in general about what's going on. And once you start to notice some triggers like I was just bringing that forward to my group supervision last week and I was noticing a commonality of triggers or biases, right, so I think I would add that to the mix too. What bias are you bringing that are affecting your clear communication and listening of that client?

Diane Bruno: 14:00

We all have them. We try to keep them out of the dialogue, but we all have them. We're human beings, you know. Yeah sure.

Garry Schleifer: 14:07

There was one other piece of your article that really resonated with me too, and that was the section where, oh, you talked to emotional outbursts.

Garry Schleifer: 14:19

I did Landmark Education and we had this thing called managing expectations. So an unfulfilled expectation leads to upset and an unfulfilled possibility is just another possibility. But when I focus on like, if the client's upset, there's a value or something that they haven't had that didn't fulfill or didn't follow with their values. But you're taking it one step further to an emotional outburst and I'm wondering if I'm missing an opportunity here to go deeper with a client so thank you for pointing that out.

Diane Bruno: 14:56

Yeah, I mean, I've had some emotional outbursts during during my career as a coach. Oftentimes it's about so many things going on in their life at the point, and maybe something that we were getting to, which was a little bit of a touchy point, just was the straw that broke the camel's back kind of thing. And I think you just need to step back. And as I get to know my clients, I know that maybe it may be breathing that makes them feel better, journaling may make them feel better, or whatever. When they have these outbursts I usually ask them when I do the intake you know, what do you do to relax, what brings you back to earth, what grounds you, and so forth.

Diane Bruno: 15:41

And for some it's meditation, for some it could be art, could be writing, for me it's writing. So I will try to steer them to that, say, okay, why don't you do some journaling? You love painting, or whatever it may be. We don't need to go further in this session unless I see that there's some reason that we should. But I think, more time than not, when people really are emotional or have an outburst, they need to step away, they need to process it. I need to process it as their coach and they need to go to their happy safe place. Hopefully their safe place is with me, but there's always going to be a place they feel safer, whether it's sitting alone in the bedroom and just thinking. Whatever it could be for them but they have something that they rely on to to bring them back to their safe place and their safe feeling and so forth.

Diane Bruno: 16:26

Yeah, I guess we all do. When it gets really bad I tend to head to nature. Yeah, Mother Nature is the best, isn't she? Yeah, I mean she puts on the best show. And now we're going into spring and I can see the buds and so forth. Yesterday I was actually doing a writing assignment and I just had had enough, but the ideas weren't coming and I just was like I've had enough, I can't look at the screen anymore, and I went out for a walk. That's what helps me, going out nature, taking a walk, and then talking to a friend after that, and she was on a hike as well, so we talked about nature. Sometimes you need to just step away.

Diane Bruno: 17:02

When clients become upset they need to step away, and I probably do too to some extent, because I pick up on that and I feel bad. It could be a breakthrough though. It could be a very important breakthrough. They need time to think about that. I need time to think about that, and during the next session, if they want to revisit it, which more time than not they do. People are calmer. We're in a better place.

Diane Bruno: 17:22

We feel equipped to discuss whatever it was. So stepping away is always and, yeah, Mother Nature is the best.

Garry Schleifer: 17:31

I know it's great, it's great. Speaking of writing, you've written for us.

Diane Bruno: 17:40

I get inspiration from my life, quite frankly. I mean, I worked in corporate communications in New York City for like 20 years. Dealt with so many different situations, so many different egos, so many different personalities and, being a New Yorker, you're always on. There's always that go, go, go kind of a thing.

Diane Bruno: 17:56

And then being a funeral director and dealing with that and you know, having lost in my life people that I've lost, I just look back on all my experiences. Which is why I think that I'm such a good life coach, or I'm a useful life coach, is because, pretty much and I deal primarily with women, men are always welcome as well, but I tend to click with the women and they click with me and so forth. But whatever they may be going through, I've gone through it, you know.

Diane Bruno: 18:23

And as I'm getting older and getting closer to retirement which I won't retire from coaching, needless to say, but officially kind of retiring, I understand all the transitions that we go through as women, from early adulthood, through empty nest syndrome, divorce, unfaithfulness, broken trust and so forth, change of life and so forth and career changes, age discrimination, which is a huge thing right now. It's unspoken discrimination and it's starting at age 40 which baffles me. In corporate America, 40 your are getting old. .

Garry Schleifer: 19:02

True that because I deal with a lot of technology clients and people over 40, usually 50 plus, but they're already experiencing rejection or just non-acceptance for them to take a new position because they're too old, which also translates to they're too expensive kind of thing. There's a connection.

Diane Bruno: 19:23

That too, that too, yeah, but they're more loyal, they're more loyal.

Garry Schleifer: 19:27

They're more loyal, and it's wisdom. They have the wisdom of the organization, they have the wisdom of their knowledge and but, you know, people do the wisdom of their knowledge and but, you know, people do what they do.

Diane Bruno: 19:39

I know, but you know I mean I move with technology needless to say. I'm SEO certified, I know how to write a blog that's maximized, and so forth. So you know there's so much education out there, and so forth. But when employers are myopic about how they look at things you can't change their mind.

Diane Bruno: 19:57

So whatever these women are going through that I deal with, I've dealt with. So that's how I get my inspiration from that. And I do a lot of research and I've always been into health and wellness. So I look at the trending topics, I look at the SEO stuff, the keywords and so forth what's out there what's trending.

Garry Schleifer: 20:19

Well, if this is the product of that, we welcome more. Don't be a one-time wonder.

Diane Bruno: 20:23

Oh yeah, no, I'd love to. I'd love to, absolutely.

Garry Schleifer: 20:26

Write for us anytime, regardless of the theme, and that goes for anybody listening. Diane, what would you like our audience to do as a result of this article and this conversation?

Diane Bruno: 20:41

I think think about coaching as twofold, what you bring to the table and what the client brings to the table and marrying the two, always seeing if you're a good fit. You know it's hard to turn away business too, but if you feel like you're not a good fit with someone, it's not going to work for you and it's not going to work for them. So I think in always growing, learning from your clients as well, because I've learned so many things from the people that I've worked with and always being open to new experiences and realizing that if something feels uncomfortable, there's usually a reason, and it could be very much a breakthrough for yourself and for your clients. Just keep evolving, keep learning and keep helping the people who need it most.

Garry Schleifer: 21:21

Yeah, exactly, yeah, well said, thank you. Thank you for joining us for this Beyond the Page episode. What's the best way for people to reach you?

Diane Bruno: 21:30

Well, my website is dianebrunolifecoach. com.

Garry Schleifer: 21:34

Pretty easy.

Diane Bruno: 21:35

Yep, and they can reach me at DianeBrunoLifeCoach@ gmail. com.

Garry Schleifer: 21:40

Perfecto, thank you. I'd love to hear from everybody. Got a wealth of experience and I'm sure people would love to connect with you.

Diane Bruno: 21:49

I'd love it. Absolutely.

Garry Schleifer: 21:51

That's it for this episode of Beyond the Page. For more episodes, subscribe via your favorite podcast app. I know we're on Spotify and Apple and YouTube. If you're not a subscriber, you can sign up for your free digital issue of choice magazine by going to choice-online. com and clicking the sign up now button. I'm Garry Schleifer. Enjoy the journey of mastery.

Diane Bruno: 22:22

Thank you, it was a pleasure.