choice Magazine
choice Magazine is the vehicle that forwards the global conversation about professional coaching by providing: diverse perspectives, thought-provoking commentary, insightful discussion and access to services, tools, resources and practical information.
choice Magazine
Episode 127: Unlocking Coaching Transformation: Authenticity, Resilience, and Emotional Intelligence with guest, Dr. Marita Kinney
Uncover the secrets to modern coaching as we chat with the remarkable Life Coach, Dr. Marita Kinney. In our conversation, Dr. Kinney guides us through the transformative shifts in the coaching landscape, where traditional, top-down models are giving way to more egalitarian and empathetic approaches. You'll gain insights into the growing role of emotional intelligence and transparency, and how these qualities are reshaping the power dynamics between coaches and clients. Learn how adopting a partnership-based approach in coaching fosters mutual learning, aligning with contemporary practices that champion client empowerment and resilience.
Dive into the essence of authenticity and mindfulness in personal development. Dr. Kinney shares how embracing the present moment can lead to greater success, despite the pressures of social media and incessant comparisons. We highlight the unexpected benefits of laughter, revealing how integrating humor into daily life can enhance emotional intelligence and alleviate stress. Through personal anecdotes, discover the therapeutic impact of joy and how a light-hearted coaching environment can bring about a more positive and productive experience for both coach and client.
Explore the profound impact of resilience and gratitude on our everyday lives with Dr. Kinney. Learn the art of extending grace to yourself and others, and the importance of staying open to life's surprises. Through compelling stories, including an inspiring tale of entrepreneurial reinvention after an unexpected job loss, we discuss the power of detachment and embracing the unknown. To wrap up, Dr. Kinney shares how you can connect with her and access her invaluable resources, promising a wealth of transformative insights for those ready to embrace a path of growth and possibility.
Watch the full interview by clicking here.
Find the full article here.
Learn more about Dr. Marita Kinney here.
Free Gift: Customizable Shadow Work Journal ~ Embark on a courageous odyssey of self-discovery with "Shadow Work Journal: Unveiling the Hidden—A Journey Within for Healing, Growth, and Self-Transformation." This isn't just a journal; it's your personal guide to unlocking the profound potential that resides in the shadows of your soul. By gradually guiding you through these layers of exploration, the prompts aim to provide a comprehensive and nuanced understanding of yourself. The depth increases as you move forward, inviting you to engage with increasingly profound aspects of your identity and experiences.
Second Free Gift: Deep Dive Analysis workbook: Sometimes problems are only symptoms of deeper issues. This worksheet assists in digging deep to discover underlying issues.
Grab your free issue of choice Magazine here - https://choice-online.com
Welcome to Beyond the Page, the official podcast of choice, the magazine of professional coaching, where we bring you amazing insights and in-depth features you just won't find anywhere else. I'm your host, Garry Schleifer, and I'm excited to expand your learning as we dive into the latest article, have a chat with this brilliant author here today, and uncover the learnings that are transforming the coaching world. Take some time to join our vibrant community of coaching professionals as we explore groundbreaking ideas, share expert tips and techniques and make a real difference in our clients' lives. This is your go-to resource for all things coaching, so let's dive in.
Garry Schleifr:In today's episode, I'm speaking with Life Coach Dr. Marita Kinney, who is the author of an article in our latest issue "hat's Hot and what's Not, what is Influencing Coaching? The article is entitled and, by the way, she was the lead article in this section, so that's like potent, "Hot topics, trends, fads, disruptive forces, ethical challenges and how to stay grounded and effective as a coach in the wake of so much change. A little bit about Marita. She's an MSCD. What's that? Your MSCD is a doctorate?
Dr. Marita Kinney:Yes, in metaphysical science.
Garry Schleifr:In the physical science. Oh, that's how that gets in there, got it? She's also BCC, which is a Board Certified Life Coach, author of more than 62 titles, and obviously a publisher. She's recognized for her transformative coaching, blending metaphysical practices with modern principles to guide individuals on their spiritual and personal journeys. As the founder of Pure Thoughts Publishing and Wellness, Dr. Kinney works to inspire lasting change and personal fulfillment in the lives of her clients and readers worldwide. Sounds like me. Marita, thank you so much for joining me today. Absolute pleasure.
Dr. Marita Kinney:Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited about this interview.
Garry Schleifr:Well, and my first question, because I have to ask, based on your background, so metaphysical and all that, why did you feel the need to write at this time about this topic? What got you going?
Dr. Marita Kinney:Well, I think people are. You know, when it comes to diving in deep, just regular questions just aren't working anymore. So that's where you get into the neo-science and things like that, because becoming intelligent emotionally is one of the things we try to pull out of our clients, because they come and they have, like, their mind set up but they're not understanding why they're doing what they're doing. Or you know the root issue. Sometimes they're working on one thing but when you dive in deeper you realize that they actually should be working on another area and by default, they'll get the results in this area.
Garry Schleifr:Yeah, no, well, you spoke really well and it really captured. Captured. How do you say that? Yeah, I guess Encapsulated.
Garry Schleifr:No, you covered all the topics. Anything from hierarchical coaching models to AI to resilience, like awesome. One of the ones that I found really interesting, and something I've only in the last year got my head around, is what you wrote about the old school hierarchical coaching model is on its way out and I'm going to ask you what you mean. For me when I hear that, it reminds me that there was a power dynamic before or possible power dynamic, invisible maybe, and I realized it was my job to remind the client that I'm not the expert in their life. I'm here traveling with you, not in front of you. I'm not an expert. Just because I'm a coach doesn't mean I know you or your life better. Is that what you had in mind, or am I?
Dr. Marita Kinney:No, you're absolutely, you're on target. I believe, in my practice, that's what's gained me so much respect is because no one wants to be like teacher, student, you know, but more so I'm here to support you, but I'm no better than you. I still go through life. I'm still a person, still learning. I just have some tools that can help you, but also being transparent whereas they realize, these are some things that, as a coach, they've witnessed me overcome because of some of my books they've read and things like that, where I've gained clients because of the transparency where I'm not necessarily looking down on a client as if they should know this or as if I've arrived. I haven't arrived, I'm still learning.
Garry Schleifr:Aren't we, though, right?
Dr. Marita Kinney:A lot of it is unlearning right. A lot of it is unlearning things that help us, but I believe that's what's helped me gain the credibility, as well as trust, of my clients that I have worked with because they had a sense of refuge there. You know what? This person gets me. This person gets me. She is down to earth. That is just what worked for me is not not appearing to be necessarily an expert.
Dr. Marita Kinney:I just may have a little bit more experience and I have tools that can help you along the way.
Garry Schleifr:Thank you for that, because what you just said there about being an expert reminds me of when we say what coaching is and what coaching is not, when we're coaching and setting up the agreement with the client. So that's just a very clear reminder, thank you. And speaking of reminders and such, mindfulness, you speak about that on both sides of the fence. Why is it important?
Dr. Marita Kinney:You know, mindfulness a lot of times. When it comes to coaching, a lot of people are working on their goals, you know. That's why they need a coach to be held accountable to help them reach their goals. But a lot of times the success is also appreciating where they are in the journey that they're a part of and not overlooking that. And when people start to become mindful of their life and their experience, they give themselves permission to not so much rush the process but realize that, wherever they are, that nothing is wasted, that that's all useful too and that's part of their journey to success.
Dr. Marita Kinney:And a lot of times we focus on that end goal but, you know, doing the gratitude and just showing up, being present, a lot of times we focus so much on the future, we're missing the now, the now moment, and so bringing that back into their life, where sometimes clients feel unfulfilled because of the pressure of social media, comparing their careers with other people, professionally or personally, they feel like something's being left behind. But we kind of like, okay, let's slow it down just a little bit and allow yourself to just give yourself a pat on the back. Let's just be present in this moment, right now, and appreciate. number one, I always congratulate them for showing up to the call.
Dr. Marita Kinney:That matters.
Dr. Marita Kinney:That matters. You showed up. You showed up and so, where people overlook things, just making them realize like you're already successful. You're already successful in your own right and not to just rush so much. So a lot of times we're really hard on our journeys looking for the destination and overlooking that success is part of the journey. That is it. A lot of people, when they arrive, they're like I thought I'd feel different.
Garry Schleifr:Yeah, exactly, exactly. Well, you know, speaking of mindfulness and things. In the article, you say Tips for Staying Grounded as a Coach, and what I'm hearing is maybe should have retitled that sidebar Tips for Staying Grounded as a Coach and as a Client, because when I read through these, the very first one, daily mindfulness moment, we're talking about it for the client, but we're also talking about it for the coach, and why wouldn't we want our clients to have a personal check-in, set boundaries that matter, have a laughter break and write in a teaching moment?
Dr. Marita Kinney:I love that one.
Garry Schleifr:Oh, what was that?
Dr. Marita Kinney:I said I love that one.
Garry Schleifr:And how do you go about bringing a laughter moment to yourself? You watch cat videos, or something.
Dr. Marita Kinney:Well, I have a variety of things. Sometimes it's my kids, sometimes it's, you know, it could be anything. But being emotionally intelligent, I think a lot of times we disconnect from just the simple things. You know, we're just always so serious or we take life so serious. And I remember about 15 years ago I committed to laughing really hard once a day and crying once a day. And my kids they're like, mom, you cry every day.
Dr. Marita Kinney:I'm like, yeah, it's intentional. I'll really look for inspirational things that just really touch my heart, where I can stay connected to like humanity, and I'll watch something that just really just touches my heart. And then I also watch something where I'm just like falling out laughing and it just reminds me not to take life so serious. And it's OK to laugh, it's OK to have a moment of joy, especially when you have a stressful life or sometimes life is really heavy and there's nothing funny. You know some of my clients I deal with people dealing with grief and just coming on the other side of traumatic experiences. So sometimes it's hard to find laughter in anything. But when you find it, you have to actually practice it because sometimes you'll say, huh, that was funny.
Garry Schleifr:I know I was like, oh, that was supposed to.
Garry Schleifr:I usually say, was that supposed to be funny?
Dr. Marita Kinney:But you have to almost practice, um, seeing laughter in a different light and finding humor in things that just make you feel good and give yourself permission to laugh. In fact, when I met my husband, I was at the point in my life where I rarely laughed. I just did not laugh a lot. And he's a professional comedian.
Garry Schleifr:Oh my gosh, okay okay, you really took that, that instruction.
Dr. Marita Kinney:I mean he?
Dr. Marita Kinney:Yes, one of the many talents my husband has is a comedian, and I did not realize how much I needed that, and laughter truly is medicine for the soul.
Garry Schleifr:It is true.
Garry Schleifr:Yeah. Interesting you should say that because I made a point a few years ago to look for things to be laughing about, you know, and I pulled up Robin Williams shows and things like that. He always makes me laugh and now I'm finding I'm laughing more. I even did a laughter yoga at a conference once. Have you ever done that?
Dr. Marita Kinney:No, but I could only imagine. I bet it was powerful though.
Garry Schleifr:It was, it was, but it was weird at first to force yourself to laugh, right, but hey, you were there for laughter yoga, so you jumped in and and it's contagious. Laughter is contagious.
Dr. Marita Kinney:It is. It is, you know. Believe it or not, there are a lot of people who struggle to laugh and even though those tips seem like they're very just minor, when you do it every day it literally just makes you feel good. And coaching, you deal with a lot of people and their stuff and you have to laugh. I mean it just helps you kind of shed some of the heavy mess off of what you do work with so many people.
Garry Schleifr:Oh my goodness, I was interviewing for a coaching company once and it just felt like a lighthearted conversation. Do you know? They didn't hire me because I wasn't serious enough. Right? So I wasn't like I was making fun of a client or anything, I was having a regular. It'd be like having this conversation here, human to human right. There's some serious parts that we really, you know, need to talk into, or there's some stuff that's just like you know, sometimes you can say something absolutely a coaching question, so plain that the client just starts roaring.
Garry Schleifr:I'm picturing of one client now. All I said was why not? Just those two words.
Garry Schleifr:Well, she started laughing. I'm like, okay, what's going on? And she told me, and it was the tipping point of a life-altering experience for her. Okay, on a year-long journey of health and well-being. I still remember it and she reminds me too and we laugh about it. So anyways, I want to touch on something a little different. So okay, so we're going from humor to serious. Not really, not really.
Garry Schleifr:Not really. These aren't that, but you did mention in a number of different ways that it's important coming up based on some trends like AI and platforms for coaches to stand out. And I think you even said the word niche, or some people say niche. We say in Canada, we say niche. Tell me more about why you think that's important.
Dr. Marita Kinney:Well, when I started out years ago, it wasn't as popular as it is now. Now, you know, everywhere you look there's a life coach, right.
Garry Schleifr:Right.
Dr. Marita Kinney:And so you ask yourself how can I stand out when there's so many other people that are in this space? Well, number one, it's being authentic. Being authentic. That's going to help you stand out and a lot of times you'll find you attract who you are. The things that you've overcome in your life, that you know a lot of times we had to learn to coach ourselves at some point in time. That's your tribe. You can really resonate with them and ask the correct probing questions because you understand what questions need to be asked where other coaches may not even know to ask that question. Because sometimes you know your clients. You can almost read them what the things are not being said, but because you have experience, you can say, hmm, let me, let me go a little bit deeper. But I believe it's just being authentic, not trying to be like other people. What's working for one coach does not necessarily mean that it's going to work for you. And people can pretty much, once they start working with you, they know if you're real or not. They can tell.
Garry Schleifr:Yeah.
Dr. Marita Kinney:Because the confidence. You won't have the confidence if you don't really. If you're not confident in helping that client in that area, they'll sense that. They'll sense that. The other thing is how to stand out is just to be you. There's only one you. Nobody can be you better than you.
Garry Schleifr:I've got the only DNA that makes me me.
Dr. Marita Kinney:Yes, that should be enough. That should be enough to stand out. But a lot of times we do see trends. We see things on primarily social media and LinkedIn and you're like, oh, that looks nice. If you keep going after what looks nice, it's like you'll be all over the place.
Garry Schleifr:SOS baby, SOS, shiny object syndrome
Dr. Marita Kinney:Yes, you'll be all over the place and then people are going to be like, okay, um, do you need a life coach, which, to be honest, coaches should have a coach to be honest. But I think it's really just the confidence and being authentic and knowing that you're showing up to this field and you're enough. You're enough. You don't have to do it like someone else.
Garry Schleifr:No, okay, so now I have to ask the question. Ready?
Dr. Marita Kinney:I hope.
Garry Schleifr:You are. This isn't a test to stump you as an author. It's to support you. Come on. What's your niche? Where are you most authentic?
Dr. Marita Kinney:Just inspirational. Inspirational. You know, I started years ago, in 2013. I had a client who inspired me to do something. So I had this client and by this time I had written, I don't know how many books, maybe like seven, maybe. And November is November National Novel Month, and so it challenges you to write a book in a month, a fiction, and I had never written fiction.
Dr. Marita Kinney:I write mostly non-fiction and so the goal is to not judge yourself and just write, and so I was like wow, this is a way where you're not constantly overthinking, but you just write. Well, that book ended up becoming a bestseller. It was called the Snow's Meltdown, and I realized that I could take the same principles that I teach in my nonfiction and apply it in a storyline. So all of the lessons I just kind of put into a storyline, but it still delivers an inspirational message. People overcoming struggles, finding their way back after they've gotten off track.
Garry Schleifr:Awesome, well done. I bet you served them very well. They're lucky to have you.
Dr. Marita Kinney:I believe my life's goal is to help people on their journey to just discover the best version of themselves.
Garry Schleifr:Yeah, aren't, we all though. Aren't we all? Yeah. Cool, so I thought I was going on a serious topic and we ended up laughing about it, so here's another funny one. What do you consider resilience training in coaching? You mentioned that in your article.
Dr. Marita Kinney:Extending grace to people, allowing them to extend grace to themselves. Yeah, oftentimes people are really hard on themselves if they come to, let's say, a session and they didn't meet all their goals and they're just over, um, you know, they're like oh, sometimes people are a little bit intimidated, like, oh, I didn't do what I was supposed to do, but just allowing them permission to just give themselves some grace, because we're living this human life, things happen and sometimes things don't go as planned.
Dr. Marita Kinney:That's just, sometimes things don't go as planned.
Garry Schleifr:lot of the times things don't go
Dr. Marita Kinney:lot of the times, and so many people are used to being in control of their life and when they lose control, it's like, well, what do I do? So when these things come up, the resilience is what do you do as a result of things not working out? How do you respond? How do you respond to life not working as planned? And that builds the resilience as far as not having the expectation that everything's going to go the way we intended for it to go, and that's okay because that's life.
Garry Schleifr:I learned something at a Human Potential Movement Company training and it was an unfulfilled expectation leads to upset, but un-possibility it just means another possibility, right. And so if you look at your life, or you're working with your clients or your own life, and you look at what you just got upset about, look at what the expectation was, and then you kind of have that duh moment and go I had an expectation, it could only be that way. So back to point. I add a little bit something to your grace comment. I always say the grace and space.
Dr. Marita Kinney:I love that yes.
Garry Schleifr:Grace and space. Cool, and you know I don't get the sense that this is anything you can get training for. It sounds more like an observation and I think if you were following your own tips for staying grounded as a coach, that lens of resilience training as a coach or preparing, would be self-evident. I would say. Am I right?
Dr. Marita Kinney:It is. But you know, sometimes we have to train ourselves to think that way. So the training comes by just adapting that new habit of changing your perspective when things don't go right. Maybe things did go right. They just, like you said, they didn't go as expected, but it turned out the way it was supposed to and maybe there was a lesson in that for you.
Garry Schleifr:It turned out the way it turned out. That's what I always like to say. Yeah, exactly. And you could always say, well, what would you have done differently? And most of the time they go well, actually it worked out fine. And how many times does it work out totally fine, even though it didn't meet expectation?
Dr. Marita Kinney:Sometimes we limit the expectation right and sometimes it turns out a lot better than you know you had even planned. You know it's like, wow, I didn't even expect that.
Garry Schleifr:Yeah exactly right. Yeah, oh, my goodness, there's something in there too, and I know you didn't write about this, but I have a sense you would do this with your clients is being in touch with or in line with the universe and asking for what you want and putting it out there, and then not the putting out the what, not the how. So I think a lot of the times we got caught up in how it should happen, whereas, like when I'm looking to increase revenue, I'll focus on one area of my business, but I know full well it's going to come from totally different spaces, nine times out of ten.
Dr. Marita Kinney:Yes, I think that's where the law of detachment comes in, because we want the outcome to show up a certain way, but the outcome could actually come in a way you were unexpected.
Dr. Marita Kinney:But if you're only trying to focus on this one way, you're limiting yourself, you're limiting the possibilities and rejecting other ways of that, like manifesting, and so I believe it's really powerful to just kind of stay open and not worry about the how. The how is really none of our business how it transpires.
Garry Schleifr:I mean, we can play with the how to say okay, what can we do to support the what, but don't get attached to the how.
Dr. Marita Kinney:Yes. You can't get attached to the how, because oftentimes it just may look very different. Something you didn't even calculate. You're like, I didn't even think about that.
Garry Schleifr:Yeah. And when you're not attached to an expectation, anything is possible. Then it goes to all these, even the possibilities you didn't think were possible are possible.
Dr. Marita Kinney:That's right.
Garry Schleifr:You're an expectation. It's limiting and boxing you mentally and emotionally.
Dr. Marita Kinney:Yeah, we want to remove the box.
Garry Schleifr:You must be good at voguing, too, right.
Dr. Marita Kinney:Got to remove the box and a lot of times that's uncomfortable for people because it goes back to the control. People want to control their outcomes, people want to control how it happens and oftentimes, you have to leave room for the what if it doesn't look like you thought it was going to look like. I'll give you an example. I met someone. We were staying at this really nice boutique style hotel and this gentleman that we met was the owner and he always wanted to eventually leave his job. Well, he got laid off and he took all his money that was in retirement, his 401k and he started this boutique style hotel and he said I never would have actually started this if I never lost my job. Now he wanted to leave his job.
Dr. Marita Kinney:So in his mind he thought it was going to be on his own terms. Like I'm ready to, I'm ready to leave, but instead he was let go, which forced him to do something that he probably may not have had the courage to do.
Garry Schleifr:Yeah, gave the opening.
Dr. Marita Kinney:So the how it happened wasn't necessarily how he had envisioned it, but it worked out perfectly fine and he didn't have time to operate in fear. He had to get going.
Garry Schleifr:Yeah, need to replace that income. Wow, what a great story. Thank you for sharing that one.
Dr. Marita Kinney:Yeah.
Garry Schleifr:Cool. Well, and thank you for sharing everything. Your article, the top trends. I invite our listeners to read the article and see what Dr Kinney has put in there.
Dr. Marita Kinney:No, I'm saying yes, check it out, definitely read it.
Garry Schleifr:What would you like our audience to do as a result of the article in this conversation?
Dr. Marita Kinney:I would like everyone to you know read the article, but not only read the article, but some of the tips that are provided. Actually try to adapt those things into your life, especially gratitude. That's definitely something that I always encourage people to do in their life. Every takeaway is just to be grateful. Grateful for your experiences. I don't believe in losses, I believe in lessons. So the gratitude allows you to find all of the lessons and what other people call failures. There are no failures, there's lessons, and those things give you experience.
Dr. Marita Kinney:So don't overlook those things in your life, because they might be treasures. They're waiting for you to use those things to help someone else.
Garry Schleifr:Well said, thank you. So what's the best way for people to reach you if they want to connect with you?
Dr. Marita Kinney:People can Google me and there's a lot of information there. There's LinkedIn, my LinkedIn profile, if you just Google my name. I also have online courses where I provide resources for other coaches.
Dr. Marita Kinney:Also Instagram and things like that, but primarily probably LinkedIn or my website, which is maritakenny. com
Garry Schleifr:Maritakenny. com, making it easy. First name, last name. com Marita, thank you so much for writing for us and for joining us for this Beyond the Page episode and for just taking it a little step further past the written word.
Dr. Marita Kinney:Thank you so much for having me.
Garry Schleifr:That's it for this episode of Beyond the Page. For more episodes, subscribe via your favorite podcast app. It's likely the one that got you here. If you're not a subscriber to choice Magazine, you can sign up for a free digital issue by scanning the QR code in the top right-hand corner if you're on video, or by going to choice-online and clicking the sign up now button. I'm Garry Schleifer. Enjoy the journey of mastery.