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Episode 156: Unmasking Microaggressions: Coaching Beyond Race with guest, Cheryl Procter-Rogers

• Garry Schleifer

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Microaggressions aren't just about race—they can happen to anyone who feels marginalized. Master Certified Coach Cheryl Procter-Rogers reveals how these subtle slights create "little cuts that become bigger wounds" over time, affecting everything from workplace dynamics to personal confidence.

Drawing from over 40 years of experience, Cheryl shares her powerful "3P Framework"—Pause, Process, Proceed—that gives both coaches and clients a structured approach to navigate these challenging moments. Through compelling personal examples, including her own experience with a business colleague who couldn't comprehend that a Black woman held a senior executive position, she illustrates how microaggressions manifest in everyday interactions.

For coaches, this conversation provides crucial insights into recognizing when clients are experiencing microaggressions. Listen for phrases like "something felt off in that meeting" or "I don't know if I'm being too sensitive." Many clients presenting with imposter syndrome or unexplained fatigue may actually be suffering from the cumulative impact of these subtle forms of discrimination. Cheryl offers specific coaching strategies that avoid re-traumatizing clients while helping them develop effective responses.

The most transformative insight? Focus on intent rather than impact. This simple shift helps clients process their experiences without personalizing them, creating space for healing and growth. Whether you're a coach working with clients navigating difficult workplace dynamics or someone experiencing microaggressions yourself, this episode provides practical frameworks to transform these moments into opportunities for deeper understanding. Connect with Cheryl Proctor-Rogers on LinkedIn to continue this important conversation and explore more of her thought leadership on coaching through challenging situations.

Watch the full interview by clicking here. 

Find the full article here.

Learn more about Cheryl Procter-Rogers here.

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Garry Schleifer:

Welcome to Beyond the Page, the official podcast of choice, the magazine of professional coaching, where we bring you amazing insights and in-depth features that you just won't find anywhere else. I'm your host, Garry Schleifer, and I'm excited to expand your learning as we dive into this latest article, have a chat with this brilliant author behind it and uncover the learnings that are transforming the coaching world. When you get a chance, join our vibrant community of coaching professionals as we explore groundbreaking ideas, share expert tips and techniques and make a real difference in our clients' lives, which is absolutely what all us coaches love to do. Remember, this is your go-to resource for all things coaching. But for now, let's dive in. In today's episode we're speaking with executive leadership coach Cheryl Procter-Rogers, who's the author of an article in our latest issue Coaching Anti-Racism and the Backlash Against DEI. Her article is entitled Coaching Anti-Racism and the Backlash Against DEI. Her article is entitled Coaching Through Microaggressions ~ Helping Clients Recognize, Respond and Heal.

Garry Schleifer:

A bit about Cheryl, she's an MCC, which is the Master Certified Coach with International Coaching Federation. She also holds an APR and is a fellow PRSA. An award-winning strategist and executive leadership coach with more than 40 years experience. She has served as Vice Chair and Secretary Treasurer of the International Coaching Federation Global Enterprise Board and is a National President of the Public Relations Society of America. A prolific writer and for sure for choice. Thank you, Cheryl. She's authored more than 200 articles and has been featured in and contributed to chapters of over 20 books on public relations and coaching. A sought-after speaker, she shares thought leadership on topics such as executive presence, leadership effectiveness and strategic communications. Thanks for joining us today, Cheryl.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

I'm so excited to be here and talk about this topic, Garry.

Garry Schleifer:

Okay. Why is this topic so near and dear to you?

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

Well, certainly, as an African-American woman, I have been in many situations where I have experienced microaggressions, and for many years I really thought it was just all about the race and how marginal members of the community might be experiencing microaggressions. But as I did more research around the topic, I found that it was much broader, and so that made me excited to learn more and to certainly share.

Garry Schleifer:

Yeah. Well, thank you very much and thank you for writing this article and you bring up a really good point and it's something that we were talking about before and I'd love to hear more about. And that is like I'm a white man of privilege, and you're a black woman, for those who are not watching, and I brought up the subject and I'm curious about is it usually a race thing when it's like a guy like me in a room? Am I the one most likely to be offending through the microaggressions?

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

Well, it depends, and the thing that I find really important to know is that microaggressions can be experienced by people who are not a person of color, because that's the first thing we think about. But it is whoever is in a marginalized situation. For instance, you could have a whole team and the team could be all women and one man, so that one man could start feeling and experiencing microaggressions. You might have a team where most have been together and working together five years or more and then a new person is brought into the team. That person is in that marginalized category of being the newbie and can experience microaggressions. Often, when an individual moves from one position within an organization to another, when they get a promotion, they can start to feel and experience microaggressions. Then there are those individuals who are perpetuators of you know, they are some, I would say most, Garry, I really believe that most are not even aware that they are creating these kinds of experiences for others.

Garry Schleifer:

Yeah, so how do you help those people see their transgressions?

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

Well, there's several things that you can think about. So, when you are the one who is experiencing the microaggression and you know for sure that you're feeling something and you might say to yourself, wow, did this just happen? Did this person just say this to me? And to really focus on the intent, because when it happens to you, you can start to feel all kind of emotions and we can certainly talk about how you use an emotion wheel to identify exactly what those are. But to actually first pause, this is the 3P framework, pause, process, proceed.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

So, if you're experiencing a microaggression, pause and I love Marilyn Hearns, that she shared with me, oh my gosh, I want to say 20 years ago and it's the word wait, W, A, I, T and it's an acronym for why am I talking? And so you want to tap into your own emotions and ask like, because, before you say anything comes out of your mouth, right, you think at first and hopefully you process it before it comes out. But to wait and pause, take that deep breath, check in with your own emotions and then to process. What is the scenario in which we're in? Was this intentional or not, and how is it impacting me? But not to focus so much on the impact but on the intent.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

And so, as someone who's experiencing a microaggression, to really focus more on that intent will help you also to start to manage your emotions and then proceed. Pause, process and proceed. You have a lot of options there, Garry, and so you could be confrontational. You could use humor, you could use what I call strategic silence, or you could delay and have a conversation with the person at another time but proceeding requires you to think about how you want to respond, not react. We hear that all the time.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

We want to respond not react?

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

Yes, and what's the right modality for that or the right communications vehicle? So if you're in a meeting and this happens, then you might decide to use humor or you might just use silence. Sometimes I've used just one phrase. I'm just not sure how to respond to that, and so you also want to think if it's coming through an email or some other written communication. Is it appropriate to respond in kind, or is that the time to schedule a call or pick up the phone and have a conversation? So not only do you want to proceed with the proper response, but you also want to think about is this something that we should talk about in person? So you want to have the opportunity to develop your own criteria of what you believe some action or some comment rises to something that you could actually put in writing or that you think that you should have a face-to-face conversation about.

Garry Schleifer:

Yeah, wow, so much to think about. And then you also have me thinking is there the possibility of deciding not to proceed?

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

Oh, that's always an option and a choice. The thing about microaggressions is that they're like little cuts and over time those little cuts become bigger wounds. It undermines self confidence certainly jeopardizes trust and for the person experiencing those microaggressions, there's a sense of not belonging to the tribe, not being a part of the group.

Garry Schleifer:

Wow, what's a memorable microaggression for you?

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

Oh my, I've had many. I think one of the most comical ones was I was working for an organization and I was a pretty senior executive in this organization and there was an executive that was in another state and I'm dating myself, Garry, because this is before Zoom and so we had a work relationship just by phone. Phone and fax.

Garry Schleifer:

I don't even want to explain that to the younger folks what a fax is.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

Yes, just, you know, use your favorite search engine and type in what is a fax.

Garry Schleifer:

And then sit back and laugh. That was us.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

That's right. So I'm having a conversation, and so this business relationship had gone on for several months, and so the person was finally coming to Chicago and he said to me I can't wait to meet you. We've been working together so seamlessly. We've accomplished so much. And I'm going to imagine, I'm imagining how you look.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

And he said I'm saying based on your personality, by voice, that you are a strawberry blond with blue or green eyes. I could have been confrontational and you know what are your assumptions that you don't even imagine that a Black woman could be in this role. But instead I responded with I can't wait for you to see me.

Garry Schleifer:

Okay, now you have to tell us what was the reaction.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

First, he came into my well-appointed office. My secretary that sat outside of my office was away maybe you know, getting coffee or something and so he came in. I'm sitting at my desk and he says excuse me, I'm looking for Cheryl Procter. I wasn't Procter- Rogers at the time and I said that's me. Who are you? Because, remember, I haven't seen him.

Garry Schleifer:

You haven't seen each other.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

And he asked again, like the brain just couldn't comprehend. And so he asked again no, no, Cheryl Procter, the Head of PR. And I said that's me, are you? Because now it clicked and he was speechless, and he said I'll be back. And I never saw him again and we never worked together again.

Garry Schleifer:

Wow, wow, wow. I'm sorry to hear that.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

Well, it was his loss. So many times these microaggressions are really generated by bias and by assumptions and by other factors that create a certain level of intentional or unintentional ignorance.

Garry Schleifer:

Yeah, Cheryl, I have one in the back of my head that I've done the strategic silence with. I think it is. But that's the interesting thing, and you know I'm learning what's a microaggression. Chat chat chat was electronic and it comes upon a situation and it's like well, you've never had kids, you would never understand.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

That's a microaggression

Garry Schleifer:

Yes. It's funny. I've held on to that for a long time and I only today realized that that's in this conversation, that that's what it was this has been. I've been strategically silent since October.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

And so there's an opportunity. And everyone gets to decide. Is this an opportunity for me to educate someone? Or not? And as coaches, we want to help our clients have that safe space where they can explore and create responses that are in line with their own personal goals and values.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

And so, as a coach, you might say well, how will I ever know if somebody doesn't tell me that they've experienced a microaggression? How would I know as a coach? Well, you'll hear things like you'll hear things. You don't know if I'm being too sensitive, but or, you know, I just recently had a meeting with my boss and I came away from that meeting and something just felt a little off. I didn't feel, I mean, nothing horrible was said, I just didn't feel good or things like I was left off of the invite for a meeting again. So we were networking with a client and everyone just assumed I wasn't the lead. And this is my favorite. Coach, I have imposter syndrome and usually, after exploring that deeper, we'll find that there's been some microaggressions that have been experienced. That has undermined that confidence.

Garry Schleifer:

Yeah, Wow, that's crazy. Well, as a coach now I'm going to be looking and digging a bit deeper.

Garry Schleifer:

For those that are traumatized by it, how do I coach them without re-traumatizing them?

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

Great question, Garry, because the one thing we do not want to do as coaches is have someone in a session relive that trauma because we're not educated and licensed as therapists to help them through that. So we want them to focus on the intent. What was the intent of that microaggression? From that, you know, let's speculate and let's explore, and less on the impact. Because when you're focusing on the impact, well, Cheryl, how did you feel? Now you're going to remind me, right, and I'm going to start feeling those emotions again.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

But if my questions are really more around, when you said that you felt a little off, what about that felt off? And what do you believe the intent of your boss was and of all of the responses, would it be useful to explore how you might have responded differently? And I would share or at least ask the client. So when you experienced this, what did you come away with? Did you feel powerless? Did you mute yourself? What were the indicators to you that you had experienced this and that this was your response or reaction? And so in those conversations, you're taking the client to a future of how they might respond and what choices that they might make whether or not they want to educate this person or just move on. They get to decide that without re-traumatizing them.

Garry Schleifer:

Yeah, and would this be the appropriate time to introduce or reintroduce the framework pause process proceed.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

I think so. I always ask would a framework be useful for you to have at the ready if needed? And then I would introduce that pause and process and proceed framework.

Garry Schleifer:

You know, I'm really struck by how significant the difference is between impact and intent, because when I'm working with clients, especially on difficult situations, we always talk about like the third entity. So it's not them, it's not you. So what's the intent? And if you can make the intent not be about the person but that what was their intent, then it's less affecting on them and less blaming on the other person and more about the situation. It's like they say in the show, The facts ma'am. Nothing but the facts.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

It is so important for us to have that antenna go up when we hear certain things.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

If you hear a client second guessing their own instincts, you know I have a phrase that I should actually trademark and maybe even do a recording so I can get a Grammy, and that phrase is don't forget what you already know. But what happens is they start to get these little microaggressions, these little cuts right and they start second-guessing themselves and the results can be.

Garry Schleifer:

Yeah, over time devastating, demoralizing.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

Yes, absolutely. They come to the session, Garry, and they tell you how fatigued they are, you know they're just exhausted. And then you know, as a coach, you're going to say, well, what's contributing to this exhaustion? And then there's describing things, and then you get to observe. Well, I'm not hearing that you're working too many hours.

Garry Schleifer:

Right.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

I'm not hearing that the work that's being required of you is outside of your scope of experience and knowledge. What's contributing to this fatigue? Can it be emotional or something else? And what we usually find is that it can be emotional, which is tied to what those little cuts.

Garry Schleifer:

Yeah, wow, good connection. Yeah, I never thought of that.

Garry Schleifer:

I'm excited now.

Garry Schleifer:

I can't wait to use the offer, the framework, to use with my clients, and start to dig a little deeper on those like those kind of conversations where they're talking about fatigue but it's not from overwork, and those little indicators to dig deeper, yeah.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

Yeah, and you know we're talking about microaggressions. Certainly it could be something else. I would say probably eighty percent of the time when we're in the area of the things that you and I have talked about here today, that road always leads back to microaggressions.

Garry Schleifer:

Yeah, wow lots to think about. Cheryl, thank you so much. I could go on and on and I would want tons more examples, but I think we're getting the general idea. Thank you for bringing it home for me, and I hope for our listeners as well, to just have that in your toolbox of coaching concepts and ideas and tools, such as the framework. And, just as we always do, just listen deeper, ask more powerful questions and let's help these clients. It's what we love to do. Make a difference, not help. Sorry, we don't help. We make a difference.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

We create an environment where they can explore what's meaningful to them in a way that helps them to grow and prosper.

Garry Schleifer:

Yeah, I was going to say that next. Yeah, but you said it much better. As always, the eloquent, fantastic Cheryl Procter- Rogers. I really appreciate it. Okay, now was that a microaggression, because I've also heard that when you say, oh, you speak really well, that can sometimes be considered a microaggression.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

It is.

Garry Schleifer:

See, so ah, there she's processing Awesome. So thank you very much, Cheryl.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

I know your heart and I know where things like that come from, and I know that it isn't an indicator that you believe that African-American women are less articulate and able to communicate. I know that for sure. Because I know that for sure, I took your intention, I believe, is you intended that I am a masterful communicator. I've been doing it for 45 years, and if I'm not good at it, shame on me.

Garry Schleifer:

Shame on me. Yeah, no, kidding. Well, thank you for your grace and I love you and I really appreciate you being here today with us and going through microaggressions right to the last minute. I love it. Perfect modeling. Cheryl, what would you like our audience to do as a result of the article and this conversation?

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

To continue to be open, to listen and to hear what is being said and what's not being said, not only as a coach but just as a friend, and to ask those questions and to continue to have that self-awareness and to be open to asking those around you to give them permission to educate you. If you ever hear me perpetuating a microaggression, I want you to tell me and know that it's not just you know, people of color or people of a certain sexual orientation, that it could be in a variety of scenarios. And then, as a bystander, and I know we didn't talk about this, but as a bystander, to become an ally and to have, hopefully, that you can access the courage to help someone who's just experienced a microaggression to feel heard or to find a path to unmute themselves.

Garry Schleifer:

Be an ally. Thank you for that reminder. That I needed to hear as well, so thank you and I am, and if I do, perpetuate. I tell people all the time so.

Garry Schleifer:

Thank you for that reminder and, Cheryl, what's the best way to reach you?

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

My gosh, I love when people connect with me through LinkedIn, Cheryl Procter- Rogers and to continue the conversation, and to continue conversations on other topics, because I do love to write and so I'm always putting something out there.

Garry Schleifer:

Yeah, thank you very much and thanks for your contribution, and thanks for your contribution to the International Coaching Federation. You mentioned Marilyn Hearn. She and I served on the board together way back in the 07, 08, 09, I guess it was. So you know, know each other well and so say hi when you talk to her.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

Yes, she's a legend.

Garry Schleifer:

Yeah, she's a hoot. Thank you so much for joining us for this Beyond the Page episode and for writing for us again. We really appreciate it.

Cheryl Procter-Rogers:

Thank you for having me.

Garry Schleifer:

That's it for this episode of Beyond the Page. For more episodes, subscribe via your favorite podcast app, most likely the one that brought you here. If you're not a subscriber to choice magazine and you're watching this video, you can sign up for a free digital issue by scanning the QR code, I always get that wrong, in the top right corner of our screen. If you're listening and you're not a subscriber, please go to choice-online. com and click the sign up now button. I'm Garry Schleifer. Enjoy the journey of mastery.